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Why I Don’t Want Chickens


 A lot of people are kind of taking your side on our chicken debate. I’m surprised, actually.”

Mr. Money: “You’ve got some smart readers!”

Me: “Hey now, some of them agree with me too. A lot of them were curious why you are so adamant about not wanting chickens and why you’ll divorce me if I get them. You should write a post explaining why you don’t want chickens. It would be fun.”

Mr. Money: *crickets chirping*

And that’s how we get the privilege of Mr. Money’s post today. :)

I guess a lot of people are curious as to why I have no want for chickens and why chickens equal divorce. First of all, chickens don’t really equal divorce. I say that to her because if I don’t I will have baby chicks chirping away in the basement when I get home as a surprise. My wife likes to do things like that.

Take Jake. Jake was a pet rabbit we had a while back. We had rabbits in Colorado and could not bring them with us when we moved. So one day my wife calls me at work to tell me someone’s pet rabbit “wandered” into our yard. Later the truth came out that she had bought the rabbit after I told her to put up signs and canvas the neighborhood because someone would probably want their rabbit back. When Mrs. Money wants something, she will go to no end to make it happen. That is why I told her chickens equal divorce… just stop it right in its tracks!

I am not a chicken hater, I just like to weigh the good and the bad in things and then make decisions based on pros and cons. The cons just out weigh the pros when it comes to Mr. and Mrs. Money’s emporium of eggs. First off, we don’t even know if it is legal to have chickens. [Side note: Mr. Money has emailed our city to see if they are legal.  I've always assumed they are because there is someone in town who has them, along with goats.]  We don’t know the laws and I don’t want to buy supplies and build coops, then fill them with chickens only to have the city tell us to tear the coops down. That makes no financial sense.

Second, I love my neighbors. They are great, and while they are not right on top of us, they are a stone’s throw away. What they think about us having chickens matters to me because we have to live with them for however many years we stay in this house and they would have to live with the chickens for however long that would be.

We do have some other neighbors behind us that may not be so nice to the chickens: coyotes. The summer nights are filled with coyotes howling, barking, and jabbering. The sound of heckling coyotes and clucking chickens at 3:00 in the morning is something that I don’t think I really want.

Another reason I don’t want chickens is because of our dogs. The cute, cuddly black lab; and the sporty, spunky, always energetic daddy’s girl, the chocolate lab. They are two of the most beautiful bird dogs. If you could ask them if we should get chickens I bet they would side with Mrs. Money.

The last reason I don’t want chickens is the cost of having chickens verses the benefit of having fresh eggs just does not make sense to me. I just don’t see it. Yes, I am a chef and there is nothing better than fresh eggs. Fresh eggs from the coop are the best eggs any one will ever eat, but the cost of chickens, feed, supplies, building materials, etc. outweighs the cost in my mind. Right down the road is a person that sells fresh eggs. Organic eggs are not cheap at the store, but it is cheaper than having chickens. If I really want that fresh from the farm egg, I can buy them from the people down the road. [They are actually a few miles away.]

Those are all my reservations on having chickens. Mrs. Money has been at me on this chicken thing for a while now. She says it would be a fun hobby for her and that she would take responsibility for taking care of the chickens. I am not 100 percent against having chickens so I guess that means chickens don’t mean divorce. With more dialogue, maybe, just maybe, Mr. and Mrs. Money will have chickens… but not any time soon!

And that is why Mr. Money doesn’t want chickens.

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